Apr 27, 2011
bartender says "No way buddy you're too drunk."
A few minutes later the drunk comes in throught the bathrooms, again he slurs
"Give me a drink." Bartender says "No, man, I told you last time you're too
Five minutes later the guy comes in throught the back door and orders a drink,
again the bartender says "You're too drunk." The drunk scratches his head and
says "Damn I must be... the last two places said the same thing."
A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a Rupee 500 note. In the room of 200,
He asked, "Who would like this Rupee 500 note?"
Hands started going up.
He said, "I am going to give this note to one of you but first let me do this."
He proceeded to crumple the note up.
He then asked, "Who still wants it?"
Still the hands were up in the air.
"Well," he replied, "What if I do this?"
And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now all crumpled and dirty.
"Now who still wants it?"
Still the hands went into the air.
"My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson.
No matter what I did to the money.
You still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth Rupee 500/-.
Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless.
But no matter what has happened or what will happen.
Never lose your value.
You are special. Don't ever forget it! Never let yesterday's disappointments overshadow tomorrow's dreams.
A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they
find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the
husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he
taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, 'Why don't you put a piece of
rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.'
The blind man replies, "If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick,
we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up...."
As President Abraham Lincoln Entered To Give His Inaugural Address, One Man Stood Up, he Was A Rich Aristocrat.
And The Whole Senate Laughed, They Thought They Had Made A Fool Of Lincoln.
But Certain People Are Made Of A Totally Different Mettle.
And There Will Be Many Others Here,
Because He made Shoes The Way Nobody Else Can.
He Was A Creator.
His Shoes Were Not Just Shoes
He Poured His Whole Soul Into Them.
I Want To Ask You,
Have You Any Complaint??
Because I Know How To Make Shoes Myself.
If You Have Any Complaint I Can Make You Another Pair Of Shoes.
But As Far As I Know,
Nobody Has Ever Complained About My Father's Shoes.
He Was A Genius,
A Great Creator
I Proud Of My Father.
The Whole Senate Was Struck Dumb
They Could Not Understand What Kind Of Man Abraham Lincoln Was.
He Was Proud Because His Father Did His Job So Well That Not Even A Single Complaint Had Ever Been Heard
1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one Around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off If
the women leaves them.
7. Although the women leaves them they still don't learn from their mistakes
and still try their luck with others.
1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "An
6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still expect
you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't
A young couple, Ahmed and Layla, preparing for their wedding, meet with their Mullah for counseling. The Mullah asks if they have any last questions before they leave.
Ahmed asks, 'We realize it's tradition in Islam for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women. But, at our wedding reception, we'd like your permission to dance together.'
'Absolutely not,' says the Mullah. 'It's immoral. Men and women always dance separately.'
'So after the ceremony I can't even dance with my own wife?'
'No,' answered the Mullah, 'It's forbidden in Islam.'
'Well, okay,' says Ahmed, 'What about sex? Can we finally have sex?'
'Of course!' replies the Mullah, 'Allah Akbar! (GOD is great) Sex is OK within marriage, to have children!'
'What about different positions?' asks the man.
'Allah Akbar! Mafi Mushkila (no problem),' says the Mullah.
'Woman on top?' Ahmed asks.
'Sure,' says the Mullah. 'Allah Akbar. Go for it!'
'Doggy style?' 'Sure! Allah Akbar!'
'On the kitchen table?' 'Yes, yes! Allah Akbar!'
'Can I do it with all my four wives together on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil, a couple of vibrators, leather harnesses, a bucket of honey and a porno video?'
'You may indeed.. Allah Akbar!'
'Can we do it standing up?'
'No, absolutely not!' says the Mullah.'
'Why not?' asks the man.
'Because that could lead to dancing!
Words of Wisdom
The words we speak and think hold great sway over the kind of life that we create for ourselves. Many people live their lives plagued by negative thoughts and never even realize this. They tell themselves and others that they are doomed to fail, not good enough, or not worthy of love, yet they are amazed when their reality starts reflecting these words. Just as the subconscious mind accepts as truth the critical statements we tell ourselves, however, it is also equipped to instantly accept the veracity of our affirmations.
Affirmations are statements chosen and spoken consciously. Once they enter our realm of consciousness, they also enter our subconscious mind where they have the power to change our lives. The affirmations you create should be specific, not too long, worded positively, formed in complete sentences, and spoken in the present tense as if what you are affirming is already true. It is a good idea to repeat your affirmations daily. You may want to tell yourself that you deserve to be happy or that you are in control of your destiny. Or, you may want to focus on a particular goal, such as attracting new friends. Rather than telling yourself you want to be well-liked, say, "I am well-liked." Your subconscious mind will pick up on these positive messages, and you will begin to live your life as if what you are affirming already has happened. Soon, your reality will begin to reflect your affirmations. If you find that you are thwarting yourself with negative thinking, try repeating ! your affirmations several times a day. Write your affirmations down and say them aloud or in your mind. Allow your conviction to grow stronger each time you say your affirmations, and your negativity will be overridden by your motivation and positive thoughts.